Wednesday, July 14, 2010

the date*

okay so I am not the person to answer the house phone, I barely get up and look to see who is calling because if its of any importance my cell phone will ring right after, and if its an appointment then I will have it on the answer machine to remind me ( I forget very easy, hence the reason why I am missing my keys and tickets). Today started out like any other day, got up feed and gave Aubrey a bath- of course Tagen was already up and out of the house at "Work". After the kids were all set I got to take a shower. I had just stepped out of the shower to hear the house phone ring, something inside me said go get that. I ran down the hall and saw "Children's hosp" on the caller ID, my heart sunk and I answered the phone very with a slow hello, to hear hi Jessica, I'm calling to discuss the date for Aubrey's surgery- I say " yeah I have been dreading this phone call." she says she understands but does she really? because I was being serious I wasn't lying. So I say okay well tell me and tell me really fast. She starts telling me about what will happen in the pre- op which is Aug. 13th- she tells me its a Friday i say OHH GREAT FRIDAY THE 13TH can't wait for that. and surgery will be Monday Aug. 16th. We finished up and we hung up, and I was frozen, I couldn't move, I couldn't speak, no tears, no nothing, I was numb. I called Sam and held it together, I called my mother in law and held it together until I was getting ready to hung up, and from there the other phone calls I made, I couldn't control the tears. As of right now- how am I supposed to feel, can someone tell me what I need to be feeling? No what, I look at the calender and cross off the days until then? Can anyone tell me what to feel!? UGHHHH....

Monday, July 12, 2010

tic..toc... waiting waiting waiting

first trip to the beach: First Play date:

First trip to the zoo:

So sorry it has taken me a while to update you on her cardiologist appointment two weeks back. With the 4th and Sam having some time off we did some family things :)!! The cardiologist appointment. went really well, The cardiologist says she looks great and to keep up the good work yayy for us!! We have narrowed it down to the last 2 weeks of Aug. but we don't have exact dates yet, due to a couple of things, 1- its summer so many children get surgery during the summer before school starts, and 2- they need to submit a request form and get the whole team thing together! So can you guess what we do now?? ohh yes WAITT! Sam has been asking me to call and see if they have set the date, although I want to know, at the same time, I don't want to call I want to wait until We get that phone call. I don't want to be a pain to the hospital and be that pushy person, but on the same note I don't want to sit back and just keep waiting and be put off, if that makes sense?! I have never been good at waiting, it seems like the days just come and go and not one call. When the phone rings I pause, my heart goes into my throat and my stomach is in notes, but when its not Children's Hospital calling I have a sigh of relief but at the same time frustration takes over. She had her regular 9 month check up and she is doing great on that end - she is actually on the "typical" child growth chart for length, not weight but we are getting there!!!

Everyday I see Aubrey doing more and more things, becoming her own person and she has taught me that we don't need to be a rush for everything, quilty as charged I was always in a rush, why? I have no idea why. Everyone is in such a rush, weather it be driving in the car, going to an appointment, getting through the work day, ect. but for what? With Tagen I couldn't wait until he sat alone, crawled, talked, and walked, but with Aubrey I am content with being patient and not being in a rush for her to do all these things because I know when she does master them it's going to be special and meaningful!